A Gift and a Curse

There seems to be not enough hours in a day. When I wake up in the wee hours, the sun is barely up and even then, I am way behind. By the time I retire, I feel as though I didn’t do enough and it drives me insane.

It is no question that I am a perfectionist and it’s a quality I often wished I didn’t have as nothing is ever tailored to the way that I like it. It’s like a vicious cycle. If there were-lets say thirty hours in the day- would I get more done? Probably not. It would just give me an excuse to stay up further and work myself into the ground.

Am I the only one who feels like this?


Translucent Houses

Why is it so easy to throw stones from a glass house?

This is a common theme that I have personally experienced with everyone without regard to gender, race, sexual orientation but for some reason, when this judgment comes from Christians, it seems so much worse. I wonder why that is. Case in point: most of the vitriol from a theist’s mouth is towards the homosexual but the bible clearly says that no one is perfect; we all have fallen from grace. It’s a sad world where pedophiles, rapists and murderers receive more favor  and less condemnation over a homosexual.

Health Freaks

It is better to love and lost than not love at all?

As I do some lazy mornings, I sit with my husband and watch sports debates. Men and women on various programs debating the same topics currently trending in the sports industry. One of the comments had nothing to do with sports but a personal preference:

“I don’t eat cupcakes but when I do, I take off the frosting.”

How do you not eat the frosting? It’s the best part! It’s like eating lasagna but not the pasta. How do these people live?

Yes, I know that good health equates to longer life but what fun is there to not enjoy and never experience? No, I am not saying to down an entire box of pizza but a slice here and there, some people would cringe. I have come across many health conscious people in my lifetime and I often wondered how they do it when I practically salivate at the thought of a donut. They eat no gluten, no soy, no sodium, no carbs, no fat, no alcohol (although I don’t drink either), no this, no that, only a little of this etc.

This brings me back to the original quote. Would you rather live longer and never dabble in sweets or have a shorter life eating real food in moderation?



Free for the next few days on Amazon.

It’s not easy being the child of celebrity. Bodyguards, intense public scrutiny and the relentless efforts to measure to the high standards of family. This is the world of Stephanie Wier, a self proclaimed social outcast working towards her degree as a student on a college campus where despite her efforts to blend in, somehow doesn’t seem to fit in and she cannot understand why. She wants to live a normal life like other students without the invasive influence of bodyguards but the only way to do that is to prove to her overprotective grandmother that she is trustworthy and can handle the unpredictability of life. There’s only one problem, Stephanie may not be as trustworthy as she thinks. She’s keeping a deep dark secret, one that threatens any possible opportunity at the freedom she desires.

From a Standstill

Limited time, free on Amazon

fromastandstill4blogNo one knows life isn’t fair better than Dinah. It seems getting pregnant is as easy as swallowing a pill for some women, except for her. Navigating her path to conception, she is horrified to learn that her chances are bleak with hurdles she must overcome that block her lifelong dream. With barely any support from her workaholic husband Ian, the days of children to call her own are more distant than ever until she finally gives up, relying instead on the power of God and strictly her faith to perform what doctors couldn’t.
When children are all but a memory, she is reminded of just how powerful God is. Her long years of prayers are answered, just not in the way she thought. When a crisis hits Ian’s vindictive and intolerable sister Stacey, Dinah is suddenly thrown unprepared and scared, straight into the life she thought she was ready for: motherhood. With her life seemingly complete, she learns there’s a tradeoff with living happily ever after.
On the verge of a once in a lifetime promotion, Ian is thrust into dealings that make Dinah question the true motives of his superiors. With work and a new home dynamic, adjustment isn’t going as smoothly for him as he’s unwilling to sacrifice to cater to the change he never asked for. He is suddenly becoming someone Dinah doesn’t recognize, a man that cares more about numbers and self appearances rather than his family.
Dinah is left to question what is more important and worth saving: her marriage or her dream.

Out on a Whim: Carmens

My mother had been planning a trip to something called the Reading Terminal Market for weeks. Because of her busy schedule at work, we were never able to go until this past weekend. At first I thought it was in Reading, Pa where the outlets are. I haven’t been to the Vanity Fair outlets in over ten years so I have no clue if its even still there. Still, that’s where I thought it was. Surprise to me when I plugged it into Google Maps, it came up as Philly.

I figured it would be like the Amish and Dutch markets where I live: walk around, see all the desserts and fresh produce and be on my way out. We arrived in great time, about two hours without traffic but it actually took us about twenty minutes to get through the convention center tunnel and to the market because of an event. Walking in, I was immediately overwhelmed. Wall to wall people, shoulder to shoulder. My fiancé and I were walking just to walk because there were so many people. Shops that we wanted to eat at or buy from we couldn’t because either the line was wrapped around or we couldn’t stop-people were on us to the point where I was becoming highly uncomfortable. Before we got to Carmens, I was ready to leave and I hadn’t even been there ten minutes.

My fiancé says he heard about Carmens and I decided to stand in the line with him figuring why not? We drove all this way and might as well make it useful. We stood in line for about an hour. By the time we reached the cashier, I was just about to faint. I am not sure if it was because of low sugar or because of the heat at that particular section, but I had to hold on for dear life.

I was expecting to be rushed, maybe a rolling of the eyes or sigh from the cashier or any indication of impatience from the staff seeing how they had already served hundreds before we got there. I was more than blown away at the bedside manner and professionalism. Even when I had trouble understanding that they do not offer green peppers and instead either hot or sweet pepper, the cashier was more than patient with me in helping me to understand so I can order accordingly. There were no signs that they were fed up as could be expected having to work that hard.


These guys worked and were so pleasant and helpful. If I ever do come again, it will be during the weekday, in the early morning, not a weekend.


Time’s Revisit

When I was younger, my biggest dream and ambition was to become an author. I don’t know why, I guess it was one of those innate visions many people have that often dictate their life’s path. I use to read every day as a child and even saved my monthly allowance to buy a new Goosebumps or Fear Street, yes R.L. Stine was my biggest and favorite author. The highlight of my weekend was going to thrift stores or book fairs and to this day, that is exactly what I love to do.

In my teens, I began writing my first short stories and I remember being so enthusiastic about it. We didn’t have a computer back in those days so everything I wrote was long hand, every single page. I wrote my first book by 18 and years later when I typed it, it came to 60,000 words.

When I started college, I remember standing up in the class (that dreadful meet and greet on the first day) and telling everyone that I’m 18, I love to read and I have a new book that I plan to have published within the year. My professor nodded, acknowledging what an accomplishment that was but now that I look back, she was being nice, encouraging even. After all, back then, I had no idea of the hurdles of becoming a published author. I had written my first book by the time I was 18, sent numerous inquiry letters to publishers and agents- all were denied. I still have those letters and I cringe to look at them. It’s funny how that works. You don’t realize why back then but you see why now. I was a kid, writing as a kid. Of course no one took me seriously. When I look at my earlier writings, I still cringe, like “OMG I can’t believe I wrote that” or “This word order makes no sense” Still, I keep them because it reminds me of my youth and ignorance. We are so ambitious being young that reality makes no mention in our dreams. We see only one goal and not the obstacles that are in the way. I didn’t know that it was practically impossible to make it through to the big publishers and the big time literary agents. After a few years, I matured and put writing on the back burner.

Creative writing has always been a passion but figured, if you can’t make money, why pursue it? Fast forward some 15 years later, and I am back at square one. That’s also the funny thing, you can’t truly escape what you love to do, even when you consume your life in a different path, that love is just nestling in the waters, waiting for you to let it back up. The only difference between now and almost two decades ago is, writer’s block. Ideas use to flow through my mind, never had I had to stop to think what I’m writing or think of how to develop my characters. When I use to buy notebooks to write my stories in and allocate time after school to write, I now can’t even open the laptop or when I do, I’m just staring at the screen. The fresh ideas, the imagery, the vivid of my imagination seems to not flow as freely as it did. It’s truly odd because, when I only stopped writing years ago because I couldn’t make money, now I could care less about the money and just want to write. This thing called life I am still trying to figure out.